My form 6 life (Part II : The essence of of life then)

If there's one thing i learned from my life in form 6, the most important would be that you are responsible to manage your own life.

Before i proceed, let me first share my STPM results :-
Pengajian Am (General Studies) : B+
Mathematics : D
Chemistry : C+
Biology : B+

(C and above are considered principal passes. C- and below are half fails. F is considered complete fail)

To me i am satisfied with the results. But I'll be honest with you, this are actually extremely lousy grades.

If the CGPA is calculated, my CGPA is only 2.58. Yes, i still managed to get local university with these grades, Environmental Science at Universiti Malaysia Sabah. But most people who get such a course would have turned it down immediately, appealed or EXTREMELY reluctantly gone and taken the course.

Nonetheless, with these grades i managed to get into University. I'm now in Australia, for those that didn't know, doing the exact same course that i was offered, Environmental Science. But that's not my topic today.

Like i was saying, i am satisfied with my grades. With my biology marks to be specific. With the other three subjects though, it's a different story.

Why am i satisfied? To honestly tell you, i have never put so much effort before in my life in my studies. The amount of time and work i put into my Biology, i managed to change my grade from an F to a B+. I have a feeling my biology teacher was thanking her lucky stars that she didn't make the "if you pass / get good grades, I'll eat my shoe" bet with me.

In fact, most people that didn't see the effort i put into my this subject were very shocked by that grade i got. I surpassed quite a few other students and matched another few.

As for the other three subjects, my PA (Pengajian Am) was a bit disappointing. I was hoping for at least an A- in it, but i suppose the silly mistake i made cost me the grade. For my chemistry and mathematics, i really have no excuse for it.

I know how much effort i put into those 2 subjects, and it wasn't much mind you. Take my chemistry for example. I know how much better i could have scored if i studied harder. You know why i say that? Cause i looked through my exam paper and i laughed. I knew about 60 - 70% of the paper, but i couldn't answer most of it because i never studied enough for it. In the last few weeks before my exam, i can shamefully say i was very negligent of my studies. Not to mention in the many months before it.

My maths was in an even worse off shape. From back in Form 4, i never put in enough effort to do my maths properly. An vicious cycle came along - The maths was hard, i didn't bother working hard to try and the maths became even harder. This cycle continued into my Form 6 and it really caused me hell.

Despite all the good support and help given by my friends, most of the time i never even attempted to try to do the maths. Subsequently the work load just overwhelmed me and i just gave up on the subject. See what happened in the end?

Looking at some of my friends in school, their maths initially was just as bad as mine. But through hard work and dedication, many later got satisfactory or even good grades. See the power of effort?

I am ashamed of myself. Guess it takes a really hard lesson before one sees the light. But at least in these 2 years, i learned that "if you want something, you work for it" the hard way.

Another piece of advice i want to share is please please please don't give up. I gave up on my maths and i paid for it. Now, even in university, that decision is coming back to haunt me. I just flipped through my Statistics textbook today, and all i could do was sigh....

Independence - the ability to take initiative and do something yourself - as how i define it.

Well, the school really thought us this lesson. I'm not bad mouthing the teachers or what, but seriously, I have never met such lazy teachers before.

So lazy that the amount of times she ever came into class for the entire year was less than 30 (maybe even less, i counted back then. I forgot now.). So lazy that he never even bothered to mark our trial papers. So lazy that even a signature would take too much effort for him.

Amazing really, in fact so amazing that a lot of people i tell to these stories don't believe me. Would you believe that? Need proof? Just ask any of my form 6 class mates.

Then from my juniors, i only learned this is mostly the case with the teachers of this school. Students run their clubs almost totally independent of the teachers. Students find their own ways and means to study and do well in exams. Student use only their own wits and effort to conjure amazing performances and works.

To me, that is just cool.

The other rude awakening i got, in fact most of us Form 6 got was how bad discrimination can get.

Most 6 formers in the school come from their own secondary schools where they did their form 1 - 5. As a result, the 6 formers in the school was separated into two groups. The first being their "true" students which are student that we originally studying in the school and the second as the "non-true" students who me and a few other friends would fondly call "fakes". In fact, many of us took pride in calling ourselves fakes.

The "non-true" groups were also subsequently divided further. I forgot to mention that school was a boys school for the lower forms and co-ed was only for form 6. Subsequently, we were further divided into the two sexes. The girls would have equal privilege to the "true" students. We, the remaining boys, how should i put it? Treated like shit.

Have any of you'll ever felt the pain of not being acknowledged? Not matter how hard you tried to mix in or tried to be like them. Even if people don't accept you into their circle, i feel the least someone can do is acknowledge that you exist also.

At one of the speeches made by the seniors, he said something that really made us fakes burn in our seat and it was probably the worst instance of insult and discrimination that ever occurred. He was about to graduate and this was his farewell speech. In his own words :
".... To all the True XXXX, and also all the girls, these 2 years will be the best two years of your school life. Enjoy it......"
I have nothing to say. He was the person elected to take care of us the form 6s. I don't know if it was a genuine mistake or he purposely left the extra part out.

The evening on that day, i swore myself as a True SMKBBSP-ian.

Things certainly didn't get any better when it came to the faculty. Although many of the teacher preferred us fakes because we tend to respect the teachers more and were less disruptive (the teacher's words, not mine i have witnesses). Like the students themselves, much of the faculty only saw the trues and the girls in their eyes. Us? We were just extras. When they needed us they would approach us saying we are part of the school and we should help out and support the school activities (mind you, a lot of us did). When they didn't need us, they would find all reasons to criticize us and blame us for certain things that go wrong.

I feel that some of the most pitiful people around around those that are living in denial or those that have no choice but to do so. Imagine having to live a life that is nothing more than a lie and having to believe that lie... Just sad..

Sometimes a fact is just a fact. No matter how much you try to deny it, it will forever be a fact. Yes, in your mind, if you persuade it enough it will most certainly be good, but reality won't budge no matter how hard you try to think it away.

I certainly understand the glorious days that the school once had. Those days even just uttering the name would have inspired awe amongst the people. But nowadays, only in the older generation's eye the school still has the glory. Amongst the youth, the school has become nothing more than a mockery of it's former glory.

Is it so hard to just accept the fact and then take action and improve it? If you did that certain you would command even more respect. I don't deny that in certain aspects the school still does wonderfully, but truly, is it enough?

Respect is earned not demanded. If any people should know this, I am one of those that know this all too well (right dou kei-s?).

Getting people to listen to you or follow your instructions is certainly not hard. Trust me, i know. Getting them to respect you to a very different ball game.

From where i come from ( as in SMKBBSP) and in most schools, to really control the students as a prefect, you must really earn the respect of the students. If i tried what the prefects in my form 6 school did, the instance i stepped out of school i would have a committee waiting for me to give some "love".

I realize that each school will have it's own sets of cultures and practices. I don't criticize the way the prefects of my form 6 school do their job, i just feel there are better and more practical ways to do things. Tradition is something, but it is not everything.

For clarification sake, let me just tell you how the prefects treat us. First of all, they come around screaming and shouting. This is traditionally how they do their job (sometimes though, i just think they take this as an excuse to go around screaming at others and enjoying it while at the job). They kind of act like how gangsters do. When they find some one that opposes them, they will come in a group to confront that student. A few of them, much to our chagrin, does more than scream. They even kick or punch the students that disobey them.

To tell the truth, I'm actually extremely grateful that i went to this school. For all the bad that i feel this school had, it actually did the greatest good for me.

It made me matured.

I have never ever EVER been so patient and tolerant throughout my entire life. Haha... Learning how to swallow down that feeling of discontent, smile and move on with life was probably one of the best lessons the school gave me.

The overall environment of the school is a good reflection of society. By being so materialistic, so judgmental, so discriminative and so unfair, it is a preparation for us to enter society. Maybe this is the true reason why so many students of this school can become so successful. From young, they are taught to be independent, hardworking, optimistic and tolerant. All key traits to be successful. Maybe this is why...

Maybe this is why we should all be thankful to the school...